Today’s blog on ‘unselfing’ and ‘reselfing’ was the hardest yet.

I went to bed last night thinking the unselfing reselfing language was a mistake. I’d rewritten it 4 or 5 times. My poor proofreader and editor Becky stuck with me cheerfully. 

I suppose I was trying to a better job of making it work…of communicating it clearly, but I wasn’t happy. So I slept on it.

You know what happens when you’ve been working on something intensely. Your subconscious works on it all night and you may even dream about it. 

I was in the pre-waking dream state this morning and it came clear to me that this is about transformation. Obvious of course but still interesting that it should come back to that word. Like a sign. It’s the keyword in the definition of ‘unselfing.’

Unselfing and reselfing may be awkward words because they are new, but, this morning anyway, they seem like useful words.  Because they are ’active’ words that describe the process. And we need both. They are partners.

It’s about continuous letting go of the younger self and purposefully creating the new self. If we don’t do that we drift or fall into a stuck place. Growth must be on purpose and self-directed by the inner architect self. (New Retirement Project is the tool kit and the process to facilitate transformation)

I worried about the Reselfing part of the blog. That it may be too cookbookish, too instructional, and needed to be more stories instead. I still feel that may be so, but it was time to move on. One can second guess and tinker forever.

The basic concept that came back in my dream state. 

-The world changes and we change as we age. Two forces of change.

-We must adapt by unselfing what no longer fits and reselfing to be effective in the new world and to have new meaning and purpose 

Bob said it when he was very young …”He not busy being born is busy dying”. We grow or we die.

Forty years later he adds …”It’s not about finding your self…it’s about creating your self!”

We lose capabilities as we age but the trick is to see what gifts remain and to grow them. The mistake is to fall into a stuck place in a mood of resentment. A one hit wonder perhaps.

No one can save us… we have to save ourselves. 



Posted in: Enneagram.
Last Modified: July 5, 2019

2 thoughts on ““It’s alright ma I’m only bleeding”

  1. Maggie

    Your writing is clear, brilliant and so useful to tackle the unselfing work/play.
    ps auto correct does not recognize the word unself!

Leave a reply